Dear Abby: Wife comes last in hubby’s beauty rankings

Dear Abby I ve been with my husband for years and we have established a loving stable relationship despite several very tumultuous times I have inevitably known he finds me attractive and he compliments my appearance but countless times throughout our marriage his demeanor toward me has changed if someone more attractive is around He repeatedly checks out women while we are on a date or even pretends not to know me when they walk by He has never been unfaithful or anything like that He in the last few days advised me I m very attractive but not beautiful and that the women he has disrespected me over in the past were more attractive than I am His comparisons of me vs them are uncalled-for and embarrassing and have made me question my appearance I m not bothered if he finds people attractive but to treat me poorly because of it and make distinctions between my looks and theirs makes me feel inadequate and judged Are my feelings normal Isn t it understandable to feel put off or am I nitpicking immature and expecting too much Attractive Not Beautiful Dear Attractive Under the circumstances your feelings are normal That your husband would pretend he doesn t know you is beyond the pale It s time to quit looking in the mirror and take a hard look at the person you married From what you have written your husband is juvenile shallow insensitive and not the sharpest tool in the drawer Your husband married you for who you are What he has been doing is unkind and disrespectful He shouldn t have to wear blinders but he also should not be courting whiplash ogling women in your presence Believe me when I say you have my sympathy Dear Abby I moved to a small rural town and haven t made a great number of friends yet I in recent weeks gave up on one friend because I can t accept his behavior toward his puppy He has invariably been aggressive in disciplining the pup but in my estimation he crossed the line When his pup tried to bolt out the door to greet me he started beating it and yanked on its collar I notified my friend this was unacceptable and I walked home He followed me and tried to convince me it was normal to smack a puppy yell at it and yank on the collar to discipline it I explained him I wasn t interested in being friends unless he s willing to take the pup to obedience training He mentioned he doesn t need to because he s raised multiple dogs in the past Was I unreasonable to insist he take his pup to obedience class as a condition of our continued friendship Dog Whisperer in Oregon Dear Whisperer If you prefer not to be around someone who abuses animals that is your choice and I commend you for it There are better solutions to teach puppies how to behave and one of them is rewarding good behavior rather than instilling fear However to insist that this person take his dog to obedience classes which might be more than he can afford may have been presumptuous Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA